I am writing to you regarding the condition of your castle’s dungeon. I can honestly say it is one of the three worst dungeons I have ever seen. This comes from someone with a LOT of experience in dungeons.
First, there is a serious hygiene problem. While I realize that mold is sometimes unavoidable in damp and enclosed spaces, would an occasional sanitization be out of the question?
Second, it is disappointing you have been unable to find better quality wardens. The short goblin guarding my cell barely speaks English. Is he (or she?) even authorized to work in this country?
And finally, I cannot recommend your organization until you remedy the food situation. There was no vegetarian option, and the dire-rat stew was cold by the time I was served.
Thank you in advance for your prompt attention,
Karen the Brave
P.S. I do have to compliment you on the decor. Unfinished wood is so in right now!